Fragmentary Image
by misaoshiru
Summary: He was scrambling to put all the pieces together, when a blast from the past came and scattered anything. But maybe she is all the answer he needs... [AU. KxT. Onesided and platonic KxK.]
1. Fragment 1

Disclaimer: Unowned, unpermission'd, unprofited. Etc.

This is not going to be a fluffy happy gushy lovey KxK lovefest. Heck, it's not going to be fluffy happy gushy lovey lovefest of any sort. If a little angst makes your head implode or you cannot live with the thought of breaking up KxK's "won twu wub," please hit the back button. Now.

Also, this whole fic is a big style experiment for me. I'm going to post individual scenes, not chapters. Some of these scenes might be long. Most of them won't. If you want, you can think of it as a drabble series, sans size restrictions, strung together with a (hopefully) semi-coherent plot. With all that said, on to the fic!

...fixed a bit of awkward wording that Jupe-san pointed out. Whoops.

**Fragmentary Image**  
_by misaoshiru_

Fragment 1

The first thing he'd noticed about her was her attire. Dressed in a short-sleeved turtleneck and a pair of old jeans – form-fitting but not revealing – she stood out amidst a sea of scantily-clad girls beneath a haze of cigarette smoke fog. Even Kaoru's dress showed much skin, with its low neckline, spaghetti straps, and a skirt that ended just above the knees. He'd suggested a change of clothes when he went to pick her up, to which she laughed, said that everyone at the bar would be dressed like this, and called him a perv.

He sighed. Since when did having Kaoru's best interests at heart make him a pervert? In any case, he found the woman's clothing more pleasing to the eye than the abundance of bare flesh that threatened to suffocate him because hers intrigued the mind, made him wonder...

But that was neither here nor there. He was with Kaoru now, and he might as well try to enjoy himself even though this was more for Kaoru's sake than anything, and he knew it and she knew it and, damn it, he needed some fresh air, some freedom from the smoke, the heat, the closeness that made it hard to breathe, let alone think. "I'm going outside."

"Your drink hasn't arrived yet."

"I know. I'll be back." Maybe. No. He was lying to himself, lying to her...it seemed that was all he ever did these days – telling her lies. It hurt him, and it probably hurt her, but it was better to lie than to tell her the truth and break her heart. Better to pretend than to be real and break her heart. Better to avoid her for a few days and let her figure it out for herself than to tell her you're breaking up and break her heart.

Who the hell made women's hearts so fragile?

As he turned toward the exit, his eyes met hers for a moment. Huh. Her eyes were black – truly black, not just the pupil, and not dark brown masquerading as black. Why were her eyes intriguing? They weren't the ones that he was supposed to find intriguing. He was supposed to find Kaoru's eyes intriguing.

Damn it. His head hurt.


	2. Fragment 2

Fragment 2 _  
_

_"You're breaking up with me again, aren't you?"_

Kenshin tightened his grip on the phone.

Again. He was doing it again. He'd hurt her, again.

_"It's...it's fine. I'll live. Just call me back at some point, okay?"_

The phone beeped. He pressed a button, and an inhuman voice responded, "No new messages." He flipped the phone shut and shoved it into his pocket.

He needed to make this right. At some point. But not now. He couldn't, not now. Not yet.


	3. Fragment 3

Fragment 3

Kyoto, again. It always came back to Kyoto.

He always came back to Kyoto.

What was he doing now? His mother had been caught in the crossfire of a battle between two rival yakuza factions, so why was he hearing out the newest boss of the Katsura family clan?

"I'm going to bring down the yakuza from within."

"Eh? But isn't your family..."

"I know. All I want is a better Japan. We'll start by taking out the other families, bit by bit, while avoiding innocent casualties to the best of our abilities. Then, this one will dissolve. Some of the police are in on it."

Katsura's ideals were fascinating, his vision of a new Japan inspiring. The fanatical devotion with which he spoke of them, almost overwhelming.

"Lend us your arm, for the future and for the ends of our enemies."

Kenshin had been training in sword arts most of his life, but the katana Katsura held out to him felt heavy in his hands.


	4. Fragment 4

Fragment 4

He had just killed a man for the first time.

Oh God. Oh God oh God oh God oh God...

He'd had a sword. The other guy had a gun. He had survived; the other guy didn't.

Oh God.

He needed a drink. Hell. He needed something a lot stronger. Something to settle the Molotov cocktail of self-disgust, nausea, and pain in his gut, threatening to burst.

But a drink would be a damn good place to start.


	5. Fragment 5

To my dear So What?!!? (or whatever you call yourself)

There's a saying that to _assume_ makes an _ass_ out of yo_u_ and _me_. Congratulations. I actually like Kaoru, you know, even if she's not one of my favorite characters. But at least you're amusing. Here, have a cookie. :D

Fragment 5

The second thing he noticed about her was her scent, as his fingers intertwined with his, as he intertwined with her, the sheets twisted around them. She smelled like white plums, like times long ago, like bliss. He could escape in her scent.

He needed to escape in her scent.

That's all this was. It was only an escape. For him. For her.

It was their understanding. It was not, could not, be anything more.

And yet it always was.


	6. Fragment 6

Meh. I don't really like this one. Oh well.

Fragment 6

The bar, again. He didn't know why he always went there, since it was on the outskirts of Kyoto and there were many others closer. It was unimportant.

She was always there. He realized he didn't even know her name. It was just as well that way. It had been a one time thing. He did not know her name, and he shouldn't know her name. He needed to know her name.

"Tomoe," she said, looking surprised at the question. He had broken the unspoken agreement between him. It was better that way.


	7. Fragment 7

Fragment 7

It had been maybe a week and a half since the first time he had slept with her.

He had killed five people since then. She had no idea – at least, not that he was aware.

They were walking together. Suddenly -

Ever since he took that first assignment, Kenshin had started carrying a wakizashi with him everywhere. It'd always seemed like an unnecessary precaution. Until now.

He barely had enough warning to block the blade. He couldn't – but he had to -

In a scene now too familiar to his eyes, there was now a dead corpse at his feet, blood splattered across the alley, the world stained sanguine in the faint light of the crescent moon.

But this time, it was different.

"In plays, they say a rain of blood fell. But you really made it rain blood."


	8. Fragment 8

Fragment 8

It was another of those nights.

His target, one of the top warmongers in a rival family, was flanked by two bodyguards, one on each side, with two others behind him.

And yet it would be easy. Too easy.

The attack was like lightning. An onlooker who blinked would only see the resulting carnage.

But to him, it played out in slow motion, the images forever embedding themselves into his mind.

He shivered – no. He shuddered.

The blood covered him, stained him, down to his soul.

His very existence was his damnation.


	9. Fragment 9

Fragment 9

He was at her door again.

The nights were getting colder. He needed a jacket. One that would hold blood well.

He shivered/shuddered again.

The portal into an unfamiliar realm – clean, warm, unsullied with blood – opened to him. She was there, in the doorway, looking at him as though she didn't know how to react.

So he was the one that reacted. He embraced – no, grabbed was a better way of putting it – her tightly, right there in the doorway, taking in her scent, her presence...

She looked surprised. Understandably. But her expression softened; she hugged back, weakly.

It hurt him that she was bloodied by his stain, but her soul was still clean. He needed her cleansing.

He needed her.


	10. Fragment 10

Fragment 10

It was amazing that Tomoe didn't shy away from him once she knew what he did, what he was capable of.

There were many amazing things about her.

It took nearly a month for him to realize it, but he berated himself for not noticing sooner.

He was in love.

In his sanguine world, she was his only source of hope.


	11. Fragment 11

For the record, I've decided that this fic will be composed of three or four "chapters," each containing somewhere between fifteen to twenty fragments. The first chapter is nearly complete, and I already have the ending planned. (Oh, and there will be an epilogue as well, though that's pretty far in the future...)

Fragment 11

There was a distinct difference between Tomoe's acceptance and her approval.

She knew what he did, what he was. But she didn't agree with his cause, nor the killings.

Some nights, all they would do was argue. The discussions got so heated at times that he almost worried that they were audible outside her apartment, down into the streets below.

Some nights, he'd leave in a huff, even though he hadn't gotten what he'd come for.

Some nights, he just wished that she could get it in her thick skull that he was right.

Even though he secretly believed she was.


	12. Fragment 12

Fragment 12

It was just another night.

Another sanguineous night.

First man, dead before he could draw his gun. BANG – as the second body hit the asphalt, his gun misfired, the bullet piercing only air.

The third man was unarmed, save for a cheap pocketknife. No. He wouldn't. Couldn't. The man was as good as unarmed. "Leave this place." Survive.

This man...the yakuza life didn't suit him. His eyes were too soft.

Those soft eyes burned. The man charged at him with the knife. A fucking knife.

He blocked with his sheath, almost casually. "Stop."

The fire seemed for a moment to leave the man's eyes. Kenshin was caught off guard by a sudden feeling of coldness – fire – _pain_ in his cheek.

He stared at the bodies arrayed in the empty street with disgust. Felt even more nauseated as the third body writhed and he had to--

He was in pain.

The side of his face had gone numb.


	13. Fragment 13

Fragment 13

The apartment's porch light was on, but the landing was near-silent tonight.

The door was bolted, though unlocked. It rattled incessantly against his barrage of knocks. What little he could see of the entryway was dark. "I know you're home."

Silence. He fidgeted uneasily with the sleeves of his new jacket that held blood well. He shuddered, and this time he didn't have shivering as an excuse.

The door rattled again. "Tomoe," he pleaded.

He glimpsed a dim blur within. The door shut; this time, it was locked. He heard a soft voice from the other side. "Please. Go away."

He'd almost gotten used to feeling pain in his heart. Still, the sudden flare stung like nothing else.


	14. Fragment 14

Fragment 14

She had started acting strangely a few nights after he was cut, and nearly a week had passed with more of the same.

The sixth night caught him off guard. The door suddenly swung open, and she lunged at him. He had no clue how to react; his hand automatically went for his hidden wakizashi, but the one thing...the one thing he knew was that he would not, could not hurt her.

The blade hovered at his neck in a brief moment of hesitation before slicing into his face, crossing the other cut. Finally, he found his nerve, knocking the bloody knife out of her hand.

"I'm sorry," she said. Her expression was one of forced calm, although it was betrayed by her reddened eyes and shaking hand. "I kind of hate you now. But more than that, I hate hating you."

"Why?"

"I can't answer that right now."

"Well...I hope you can someday."

She nodded weakly. "Goodbye." And she walked away, carrying only a small suitcase and leaving him and the open apartment door behind.


	15. Fragment 15

Fragment 15

He didn't hold it against her. He couldn't. He didn't know what he'd done to hurt her, but...he probably deserved it, and more.

Soon after, he heard she'd been killed by a yakuza gunman. It felt so unreal...but he knew, after that, that there was no way he could continue this madness. The only possible conclusion was the complete and total destruction of his own self, both body and spirit. And everything and everyone he had ever treasured would be thrown to the wayside, as wholly ripped apart as a lamb set upon by a ravenous pack of wolves. This, and not the former, was the worst imaginable consequence to his actions – had he known...oh, had he known.

He would willingly, if not gladly, accept the most excruciating torture if it would only bring her back and ensure the safety of his loved ones. But that was not the way the yakuza worked. That was not the way life worked.


	16. Fragment 16

Fragment 16

"You're leaving us."

"I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore, Katsura-san. Not after all that's--"

"Be careful, Himura." A pause. "I suppose these are my last orders for you."

"You should be careful, too."

"I always am. And, Himura?"

"Yes?"

"I am sorry for everything."

"Don't be. Take care of yourself. And goodbye."

* * *

**End Chapter 1**


	17. Fragment 17

Fragment 17

He stood on the sidewalk below her apartment, hands in the pockets of the jacket that had once held blood so well (never again – never). The back of his neck felt oddly exposed in the wind, with his hair so much shorter than it had been for most of his life. That, along with the absent weight of a sword at his hip, made him feel vulnerable. He hated feeling vulnerable.

He didn't know why he came here.

Comfort? Validation? Forgiveness?

Would she even take him back?

Did he really even want her to? Or was he only going to her because he had no one – nothing – more left?

Then Kaoru came out onto the balcony and smiled, and he stopped worrying for now.


	18. Fragment 18

Fragment 18

"You cut your hair."

It was funny. Upon reflection, the only reason he'd grown his hair out to begin with was because Kaoru, once upon a time, had said she liked the way it looked with the innocence only a small child could muster. So he humored her.

She probably didn't even remember that anymore.

He had cut it because he needed to leave his old life behind, both literally and symbolically. It was necessary. Even so, he wondered...

"It looks good."

It was beyond funny. It was strange. A weight seemed to lift off his chest, one he didn't even realize was there. "Thanks."


	19. Fragment 19

Fragment 19

"Kaoru..." he said. His tongue felt like lead in his mouth; such a cliché, but there were really no other words for it. He gave her a pained look – pain, wasn't that the story of his life nowadays – and hoped it conveyed what words could not. Even if he'd had the words to say everything he needed to, he couldn't say them; if he told her, both of their lives would be in danger. He didn't care what happened to him, but if she...

"There are some things that I did that I regret," he finally said, and he knew that that was a far weaker version of the truth than Kaoru deserved.

"It's all right," she said, smiling, which startled him out of his melancholy. "We all have things in our pasts we don't want to talk about. I don't blame you. I mean, I've done some pretty stupid crap myself."

"But..."

"Whatever it is, Kenshin, it's not important. It's in the past now. It's done."

Such naivete. Such beautiful, foolish naivete.

He envied her.

* * *

AN:  
"It's all right (...) We all have things in our pasts we don't want to talk about" is a combination of two translations of the first volume of the manga - maigo-chan's and Viz's. Also, there was a line from maigo-chan's translation of volume 19 back in...either Fragment 7 or 8. The "In plays, they say a rain of blood fell" line. I didn't cite that back then because I figured most readers would recognize it, but I got a review about it and thought I should clarify that I didn't come up with it myself. 


	20. Fragment 20

Fragment 20

They had never officially gotten back together. Not any time in the past, nor this time. No dramatic confessions, candlelit dinners, sonnets, or serenades. Just Kenshin moving into Kaoru's living room (since his old apartment had been rented out already, and anyway, he hadn't found a new job yet), waking up to slightly watered down miso soup, mostly unburned toast, and a glass of milk that was only one day past the sell by date and still perfectly good, and getting beaten at a video game after breakfast by a girl (no, woman – he had to think of her as a woman now, surreal as it was) five years his minor.

Things had gone back to almost exactly the same they were when he left, as if it were natural, the way everything was supposed to be. But if that was the case, why did it leave him feeling sick?


	21. Fragment 21

Fragment 21

Kenshin had been lying sprawled across Kaoru's couch when he saw, through closed eyelids, the lamp flicker on. He blinked and then stared in surprise as Kaoru lay down beside him, turning the light out and helping herself to a blanket. "I couldn't sleep," she said, and he loosely wrapped his arms around her like he would when she had a nightmare as a child.

It was comfortable, not warm. She was warm, he knew, but he was numb to warmth – all he could feel nowadays was "cold" and "not cold."

And now he realized something odd: for all the times they had dated in the past few years, they had never made love. Slept together, yes, but in the way of siblings, one comforting the other, not in the way that he and Tomoe had...

In a twist of irony, she reached out to touch him just as he was thinking this, and he tensed and pulled away and looked at her, in the dim glow of the moon through the blinds, like a deer in headlights, and he felt guilty and it hurt and damn it, he didn't want to hurt her he didn't he didn't but the sick feeling had doubled and he just wanted it to go away already.

And she understood and went back to her lonely futon, and he fervently wished that they could go back to the way things had been when they were but lowly children, back in the days when it first dawned on him that she was a person apart from Sanosuke's little sister, but he knew they could never go back. They could never go back. Never, not now.


	22. Fragment 22

Fragment 22

There were times when Kaoru was hyper, high-strung, and violent. He called these her "energetic moods;" it was true, after all. When she was like that, Kenshin found it best to avoid crossing her – she was prone to lashing out, and her punches could pack a surprising amount of force. If he really wanted to, he could avoid them, but it was best to let her take out her anger rather than let it brew. And overall, it was entertaining having her like this, as long as one didn't get her angry.

Then there were times, like now, when Kaoru would mellow out, at least for a while, and do something quiet, like a puzzle or attempt to sew. These events were very rare when she was a child but had started occurring more and more frequently in her teen and adult years. Right now, she sat curled up in a kitchen chair, biting her lip and staring at jigsaw pieces that lay scattered across the table. "Kenshin, help me?" she finally said in desperation, and he smiled and pulled up a chair next to hers.

They worked together in silence for a while, Kaoru appearing more and more frustrated as the minutes rolled by. Every now and then, though, her eyes would light up as her fingers scrambled to connect two pieces together.

After a while went on like this, Kaoru looked up at him, seeming to forget about the puzzle entirely. He looked back curiously, and she blushed, saying, "I just had a thought. It's kind of weird, though. Promise you won't laugh?"

"Of course I won't."

"Well..." She looked down, not at the puzzle but underneath the table, at her feet. "A puzzle is kind of like life, isn't it? I mean, everything that happens is like a little piece of it, a fragment of the bigger image, but you can't see what that image is until you put all the pieces together. And both of them really confuse me." She laughed, softly, self-deprecatingly. "I'm not making any sense, I know."

"No, you are," he said, and when she glanced up at him, he looked away.

He preferred it when she was energetic. Some of things Kaoru said in her more pensive moods could be downright eerie.


	23. Fragment 23

Fragment 23

His eyes were dry now, but it was little comfort.

_Kenshin had found her in the living room, his scant belongings scattered on the floor around her. She knelt in the corner, eyes fixed upon the sword loosely grasped in her hands."So this is why."_

_He could not look her in the eye._

Kaoru sat behind him, her arms wrapped loosely around his shoulders in an attempt at a comforting gesture, her head resting against the back of his neck. The sword had wound up on the floor somewhere, laying at an entirely improper angle, but he was far from caring.

_He wasn't surprised that she'd figured it out – she'd always placed among the top of her class, and he'd seen the old newspaper headlines shouting at him from the stacks of recyclables - "Five More Dead As Yakuza Wars Continue," "Head of Suzuki Family Outraged, Swears Vengeance Against Shadow Assassin," "Purported Yakuza Gunman Found Dead, Mysterious 'Battousai' Suspected," and on and on they went. For a long time, he'd wondered how much longer this could go on. But still, he'd hoped..._

She'd tried to take his hand into hers, and he flinched away and stood, and she looked up at him, inquisitive and hurt, and gods, here he was hurting her again. "I should go. You shouldn't...you shouldn't have to be involved with someone like me."

"It's over, isn't it?"

"I think so. No. I know it. I decided it had to be, before. But..."

"Then it doesn't matter. I've said it already. Your past doesn't matter to me, Kenshin."

And she stood up, too, and held him tight, and he hugged back, weakly, and wished he could back to a time when he could be so naïve and trusting as she was.


	24. Fragment 24

Fragment 24

A week passed by without incident, and then another, and a third. It was only in the bar that night, after mulling over it for what felt like an eternity, that he finally made his monumental mistake.

It always came back to the bars, didn't it? If only he could blame it on the alcohol, but he had only had one drink and his mind was as lucid as it ever was these days.

He couldn't keep doing this to her, to himself. He had to either do something to advance their relationship, finally, or break it off for good. And he couldn't do the latter. He couldn't. He couldn't hurt her like that.

Maybe if he threw himself in fully, head-on, he could squelch down the feelings of wrongness. Was that not how children learned to swim, how birds learned to fly?

And she'd looked up at him and smiled, and he could tell how excited Kaoru was, and he managed to keep himself from pulling away when she kissed him.


	25. Fragment 25

Fragment 25

"You have two new messages."

_"Congrats, guys."_A pause. _"Kenshin, don't think for a second that, just because you're my best friend and I'm on the other side of the world, I won't kick your ass if I hear about you touching my little sister before the wedding. Got that?"_

Kenshin smiled. Good old Sano. Then, he started the next message.

_"...It's been a while, hasn't it? We need to talk."_

The cell phone fell to the floor, only sheer luck keeping it intact.

She was alive. Tomoe was alive.


	26. Fragment 26

Fragment 26

Tomoe had asked him to meet her in the hotel room where she was currently staying. It was small but clean, if sparsely decorated – a place where most of the guests were tourists looking for a bargain. She sat across from him on the immaculately-made western bed, gathering her thoughts. He seated himself on the floor and waited awkwardly for her to speak.

"Katsura-san is dead," she said finally, sounding hoarse, and he noticed for the first time the heavy shadows under her eyes, visible despite the heavy concealer she was wearing. "They believe it was an assassin from a branch of the Yamaguchi-gumi that has since broken off to form a family of its own...the Toshihara, I believe."

He just stared, heart pounding. Katsura was dead? It couldn't be. _He_ couldn't be. Kenshin tried to swallow the lump in his throat, then said, "Why are you telling me this?"

She turned away, staring at the wall. "I...thought you needed to know. It's a different world now, and dangerous for you." A pause. "I think he helped me when I faked my death, or at least he turned a blind eye even when he could have stopped it. He was the only one who knew."

"Why did you? Or, more importantly...Tomoe, _why are you here?_ I thought you hated me."

She still wouldn't look at him. "I wanted to. It's hard to explain." She turned toward him, crossing her legs nervously, with a lost look in her eyes. "Please give me a while to put my thoughts together."

"Okay. I could go find a vending machine and get us drinks in the meantime. Anything you'd like?"

"Thank you. I would like a milk tea, please."

"Right."

The door shut behind him, and Kenshin sighed. Katsura was dead. He still couldn't come to terms with it.


	27. Fragment 27

Fragment 27

Kenshin had gone downstairs to the lobby, and he knelt next to the vending machine, pulling out his wallet. However, he ignored the change pocket, flipping through the pictures instead. There they were: a blurry shot of seven-year-old Kaoru, as hyperkinetic as ever, right next to a tiny wallet size of Tomoe, wonderful and rare because she was actually smiling. To him, it made her look like a goddess.

Just what the hell had he gotten himself into? No solution was forthcoming, at least none that wouldn't hurt the feelings of at least one of the parties involved, if not more. He couldn't do that.

But what did Tomoe's return mean, anyway? Considering the terms on which they'd parted, it occurred to him that he should probably worry she was a spy or this was a trap, but...he could not think that of her. He just couldn't. If there was any hope of ever having a relationship again, he had to have faith in her. If she even was willing to take him back. And then, what of Kaoru...?

His head hurt, clouded as it was with what ifs, hows, and whys. What a mess. What a fucking mess.

Synthesized notes hit his ears, violently pulling him from his reverie. At first, he just planned to let voice mail pick it up, but the caller ID caught his eye: Kaoru Kamiya, 0742 31 2490.

"Hey," he said.

"Where are you?"

"Visiting an old friend who's in town."

"...Not another woman, is it?"

"No," he lied after a moment's pause, pained.

"Okay," she said, voice wavering a little, and he knew she didn't believe him. Damn. It hurt. "Just...be back before dinner or it's your ass, got it?"

" 'Course."

"Love you."

Another pregnant pause. "You too." He knew he sounded strained.

Damn it all.


	28. Fragment 28

Fragment 28

When he got back, she was a beautiful mess. Her makeup was running, the whites of her eyes had turned a splotchy shade of pink, and her hair was loose and messy. If possible, the rings under her eyes had become even more pronounced, and he wondered how long it had been since the last time she had slept. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," she murmured, head half-bowed. She wrung her hands and glanced up at him awkwardly. "But...I will be. I think."

"We don't have to talk about it yet if you aren't ready."

"No." Her tone was weak but steady. "No, you need to know."

He handed her the bottle of tea, and she took a big sip and a deep breath before starting to speak. "There was a little girl who lived in Tokyo. She had a little boy for her best friend, and they were very happy. But they did not realize it until that happiness was gone..."


	29. Fragment 29

Fragment 29

_The year was 1990. There was over a decade yet before everything would go to hell. It was a time of naivete, the air crackling with the innocent violence of elementary rather than the gunfire and blood stench that characterized yakuza warfare._

_The scene was set – the classroom at lunch. The players were all in place: a small boy, ostracized by the others for being buraku, outcast descended from outcasts as far back as anyone could trace; an equally small girl, not ostracized but also alone, having only just transferred to this school and not knowing anyone; and the other children, every bit as cruel as children tend to be._

_Now, all there was was for someone to roll the dice, to take a chance. Shyly, "Is this seat taken?"_

_The buraku boy looked up, surprised. "No."_

_There were cries of "Buraku lover!" and "Friend of buraku!" These were drowned out by friendly if nervous chatter and comfortable silence._

* * *

AN:

Buraku/burakumin are descendents of people with professions that were believed to be tainted in Shintoism, such as anything that dealt with dead bodies. They still face discrimination in parts of Japan. (And apologies if I misused the term at all; feel free to correct me!)


	30. Fragment 30

Fragment 30

_Her father stood before her, disheveled despite being in his best suit, shoulders slumped from a hard day's work as a salaryman. But to her, he always looked like a hero as he stood in the doorway, tired but proud. "I'm home."_

"_Welcome back."_

_He took off his jacket and smiled at Tomoe. "There's a young man I want you to meet – the son of a coworker of mine."_

"_Actually..." She hesitated, shifting her right hand slightly; there was a slim, plain silver band on the ring finger. "I--"_

"_Ah. Akira-kun. He has no money, you know."_

"_That does not concern me."_

"_He is burakumin?"_

"_Yes."_

_Her father nodded and gave her a small, exasperated smile, eyebrows still crinkled with concern. "But you love him anyway."_

"_...Yes."_

"_Well, if you're happy, I approve."_

"_Thank you, Father."_


	31. Fragment 31

Fragment 31

_It wasn't that she stopped loving him, no, far from it. Nor was it the lack of money; they were able to make it day to day, even if they didn't usually have anything left over to save. It was more a failure to communicate. He talked a lot, she talked little, but neither of them really said anything._

_And it was all her fault, really. Akira-san deserved someone better suited to him, not someone as emotionally restrained as herself. And she wondered if they hadn't rushed things – she felt that it was just a matter of familiarity, that they'd known each other for so long and could barely remember what being apart was like, and if they were in love with each other or just in love with love. Belonging._

_After all, everyone wanted to belong._

_But...they couldn't go on like this. She cared for him deeply, but they were living a lie._

"_It's not you. It's me."_


	32. Fragment 32

Fragment 32

"Akira-san always had a hard time holding down jobs, and some companies refused to hire buraku. I think he blamed himself when things didn't work out.

"If I... If I'd talked to him more often, I could have talked him out of joining the yakuza.

"I tried to blame you, but it was all my fault." Tears started to stream down her face, and she buried her head in his shoulder. "If he hadn't thought he could win me back with money – if I'd stopped him..."

"No," he murmured. "No. It's not. I'm...sorry." It sounded trite, but there was nothing more he could say. Instead, he wrapped an arm around her and tried not to cry himself.

He'd never meant to hurt her.


	33. Fragment 33

Fragment 33

He was lying on the floor on his back, and he raised his right hand, watching the ring catch the light. "I'm engaged."

"Congratulations." She almost managed to not sound hurt.

"But I..." He turned to her, and she must have seen his uncertainty.

"Do you love her?"

"I don't know. She's very important to me. But..." He looked away.

"...Never mind." He stood up. "I should go."

* * *

AN:

Deepest apologies for the delay on this batch of fragments. I've actually had 29 on my hard drive for over a month, but I hate the idea of only posting one fragment at a time. That flashback part was really difficult to write for some reason, although I somehow managed to breeze through four fragments today! Woohoo!

Apologies for any mistakes. It's currently 2 A.M. my time, and it's even later where most of the people I usually ask to proofread for me live, so I'm posting these unbeta'd.


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